Teaching Empathy to young children

Parents often ask, "How do I teach my child to be more empathetic?" This question comes up frequently as our toddlers start to play with other children and battles over toys occur. Understanding your child's developmental stage will help you determine the correct strategy for the development of empathy and finding the age appropriate solution to early childhood behavioral issues.

Leading developmental psychologist, Erik Erikson, developed a theory of psychosocial development. I like to think of his developmental stages for young children as I decide how to handle troublesome behaviors like battles over toys or aggression. 

Image from the book THE MEANIES by Veronica Stanley-Hooper

Erikson's Stages and How They Effect Childhood Behavior

Image from The Meanies

​Trust vs. Mistrust
Age developed: Birth to 18 months
Because children are nearly helpless at this age and they primarily depend on others to care for them. They begin to develop their first impressions of the world around them. If they receive good care and love, they learn to trust and will generally feel safe and secure in the world leading to healthy social-emotional development of courage, faith, and empathy later in life. If they do not receive good care and love, they will struggle to trust and will generally feel fearful of the world which is strongly correlated with antisocial behavior in later years.

What can parents do to support TRUST?
Be there for your child when they cry. Milk spoils, babies don't. Babies never cry to be 'spoiled'. They cry because they have a basic need that has to be addressed. Protect and shelter them from dangers and when they are uncomfortable or hurt, care for them.  Never sneak away to leave them with a care-giver this develops mistrust and will cause bigger problems later. 

Autonomy vs. Shame and Doubt
Age developed: 2 to 3 years
There are a few major milestones for children during this developmental stage-- potty training, feeding, and dressing themselves. All of the skills needed to complete these benchmarks successfully help children develop a sense of self-control. Even the ability to choose the toys they play with allows children to feel autonomous. If children are not able to achieve feelings of autonomy during this time, they may generally feel more doubtful and shy about the world around them. Trust developed during this time contributes to the development of empathy later on.

Image from The Meanies

What can parents do to support autonomy?
These are some of the most challenging years of childhood development for some parents. We know we can do the dressing and the meals more efficiently than toddlers, but if we can muster the patience to allow them to complete these tasks on their own, not only will they be better prepared for school, but they will be more confident children. So, let them choose their mismatched clothes and get 3/4 of the food on the table and floor as they move through this stage. It's okay, we understand! Reading books about children who struggle with behavior and succeed is a great way to start conversations.

Image from PLAY!

Initiative vs. Guilt
Age developed: 3 to 5 years
In this stage, children learn to interact with others in social settings. Successful interactions reinforce the child's self esteem and result in feeling capable. If interactions are met with negative feelings or outcomes feelings of guilt and self-doubt will result. Success during this developmental stage allows children to develop a sense of empathy as they learn how to navigate the social world. ​

What can parents do to support their young children socially?
Role play helps children practice social interaction and experiment with other perspectives. By pretending to be different characters like a doctor or a teacher, children begin to understand the feelings and view points of others, which contributes to the development of empathy.  Reading books about playing and interacting with others is a great way to start the conversation about social interactions.

Empathy is a skill that is developed over time for young children. During the earliest stages of life, children begin to develop the skills necessary to be empathetic toward others. Here are two books that help children learn social-emotional skills by just reading a great story!

PLAY! is a book about how dramatic play can support positive social-emotional learning. It is available on Amazon and on this website.

The Meanies is a book about a young boy who blames imaginary monsters for his poor behavior, but he eventually learns that he is in control of himself.  It is available for pre-order by Histria Books.