From Chaos to Calm- How to prevent Toddler Meltdowns

I have a lot of experience with toddlers. I taught a class of 10, two year old children for a number of years, as well as being a mother of three.  Meltdowns are a part of toddlerhood, learning how to prevent emotional tantrums and knowing what do do when one happens is the best way to get through these years and support positive emotional growth. In this post I share my secrets and a few tips to soothe your toddler, if a meltdown occurs without using a tablet or phone.

​Mary Ainsworth

Many notable child psychologists (Bowlby, Ainsworth, Erikson, and others) agree that children begin to develop a sense of security and trust from infancy onward.  When a parent or caregiver responds to an infant's needs with a predicable and satisfying result, a baby begins to trust the world around them. It is this trust that sets the foundation for future behaviors throughout childhood. A child who trusts the adults in their life is easier to soothe and less likely to have a tantrum.

As your child grows older, setting up a predicable schedule allows your child to feel in control of their day. Trust and security is established through routine.  Children of this age do not rely on a clock to tell them what is the next event of the day. They establish a sense of routine by a predicable order of events. For example: Wake up, eat breakfast, get dressed, brush teeth, play time, clean-up time, eat lunch, rest time. By establishing a predictable order of events in a child's life, parents can stick to their toddlers schedule and manage their own daily events. Having a child-friendly chart with images helps parents to explain what is coming up to young children. The chart pictured can be used easily by using sticky note to cover each event as it occurs. Click the chart to download a FREE PDF to print.

Want to modify this chart?
​Here's the link to the document on Canva.

No system is going to work 100% of the time. Below are some ideas for you when a meltdown occurs. First, remember, you are the adult and they are the child. Take a deep breath and regulate yourself before trying to help your child. Next, acknowledge your child's feelings with a direct statement. "I can see you are feeling angry (sad, worried, pain --from injury)." If your child is injured, your solution is to care for the injury. For emotional distress, after you acknowledge their feelings, offer a direct solution verbally.  Then use distraction to move on. Example: At the grocery story your child spots a small toy and grabs it. They start to cry when they realize they cannot have the toy. Say, "I can see you really want that toy. We can't buy it now but--> offer a distraction."

Bubble Bottle:
A bubble bottle can help to calm your child down by offering soothing wave-like bubbles. It can be made very easily by filling a water bottle with vegetable oil, water, food coloring, and glitter (Optional). Add glue to the lid and seal tightly. I always put duct tape over the lid too. This bottle can be stored in the car or diaper bag to be used anywhere big emotions happen.

Play Dough:
Using fists, fingers, or a mallet to pound play dough is a great way to get out angry energy.  If you put the dough on a plastic kitchen tray to play with the dough you can minimize the mess and make clean-up easier. Taking play dough on the go? Put it in a ziplock bag and duct tape the bag shut. Now your child can experience the same satisfying and soothing squishy play without making a mess. 

Find-it Jar:
Put beads and small toys and erasers in a plastic jar and glue or tape the lid on. Then search for the toys inside by tipping the jar from side to side. This tactile "Where's Waldo" game can be kept in the car or diaper bag for a quick distraction or even a fun game on the go.

Download and Print FREE Toddler Morning Schedule Chart

The ideas listed above are just some of the ways you can offer a distraction to your child in the event a meltdown occurs. Knowing your child's boundaries and sticking to a schedule are great ways to prevent tantrums before they happen.  Keeping a book handy in your diaper bag or car is another great way to offer a distraction. I have several books that are available on this website and Amazon.

Let me know what you want to learn about next in the comments.